This isn't a funny Twitter account, but I am in awe of @ThePatanoiac (who is GORGEOUS, btw). He writes the most beautiful things. It would never occur to me to use Twitter so artistically. I'm a blunt instrument; I just hammer it with humor. » 7/23/14 1:21pm Yesterday 1:21pm

I'm myself everywhere. Which is why it's fucking hilarious that that spastic, thin-skinned, utter doofus of a troll threatened to call my employer and tattle on me about my Gawker commenting history. Dummy, they know exactly who I am and they love me for it. » 7/10/14 12:49am 7/10/14 12:49am